Painful Solace
by MrsMcGinty
Summary: Soon after Fai is turned into a vampire, he attempts to deal with the pain alone. Kurogane tells him why he decided to keep him alive. Rated M for chapters 2 and 3.
1. Chapter 1

Setting: random world, take your pick. Characters: Fai & Kurogane. Time: soon after Fai was turned into a vampire.

Just so you know, I don't really know all about what happens to Fai when he's a vampire. I haven't gotten very far in the manga and the anime wasn't too clear for me (or maybe I just missed it) but I have the thirst being somewhat resembling that of Vampire Knight (Zero ftw! lol) so… Again, don't know for sure if it fits in Tsubasa. And I put a little thing about how his nails kinda turn into claws if he's under stress. I can't remember if that was actually in Tsubasa (probably not) or if it was one of the many other vampire things I've watched recently. They're all jumbling together now. Just wanted to clarify that quickly.

Lastly, Fai's tears of blood are just theoretical. Happy reading!

Fai drifted easily between sleep and consciousness. He just couldn't relax long enough to make it into the REM cycle of sleep. It was because he could taste it. The thirst. This was the only part of being a vampire he hated. He could handle relying on Kurogane for life. He could handle the freakish claws that sprung from his fingers when he was angry or stressed. He could handle the yellow eyes and the reduced aging. He could even handle the heightened senses and reflexes.

But that taste.

The blood.

He wanted to say that it tasted disgusting. He wanted to say that surviving off of someone else's blood was repulsing.

But the truth was it was the most delicious thing Fai had tasted in his life. It seemed like each time he drank, it tasted more and more succulent and mouthwatering. The anticipation of the next drink only fueled the thirst more. That was why he hated it. He hated craving something as precious as someone's blood. Blood was vital to life and people only had so much of it in their bodies.

He knew it must have disgusted Kurogane to have to be the one to give him blood, especially when a sudden attack on their group followed soon after; Kurogane would be drained and lightheaded, making it extremely difficult to focus in a fight.

Kurogane didn't like Fai helping in the fights unless he was absolutely needed. Fai had no idea why. Kurogane used to complain about him not helping at all when he had magic at his disposal. Maybe he didn't want to bring it up, however indirectly it may be.

Fai felt a little pang as the thirst increased and decided he needed some fresh air. As quietly as he could, he got out of his sleeping bag and headed to the door. He looked at Syaoran and Sakura. Their sleeping bags were practically overlapping and Syaoran held Sakura's hand, their foreheads touching lightly. He really was exactly like the clone Syaoran used to be. But that made sense.

He came to Kurogane next. He was sitting against the wall, head bowed in sleep. Fai just watched him for a while, wondering what he was dreaming. The one thing that puzzled Fai the most was why Kurogane had been so willing to change him; to save him. Any sane person would have looked at Fai in his position and given up, collapsing in tears if they really cared about him. But Kurogane had gotten angry and thought quickly when it was important to Fai's life. He'd almost sounded (Fai never opened his eyes through the whole time leading up to his damned salvation) desperate….

Fai continued out onto the front porch of the little abandoned cottage they'd been lucky enough to land in so that he could relieve some of his stress without chancing the others seeing him. He was surrounded by trees. He could hear a stream nearby, though with his newly heightened senses, it could be farther away. He could smell it too, and the animals that lived in the surrounding woods. It was interesting, being able to detect these things. He could smell the individual trees. He stopped at one, looking at its little white flowers. It smelled really sweet, almost like honey. He liked that smell and focused on it to try and calm his thirst.

It was really getting annoying by now.

Fai leaned his forehead against a post in the railing, fighting the urge to whimper like a kicked puppy (or kitty?). He hated to have to wake Kurogane in the middle of the night. He hated having to go to him at all.

He hated it.

_I will _not_ go to Kurogane tonight, _Fai told himself. _I will _not._ It hasn't been long enough. I can go longer._

It seemed the more he willed his thirst to subside, the more it began to drown him—devour him. It hit him so hard he lost consciousness for five seconds. His vision was blurry when he came to and it made him sway.

He quickly yanked the bandana from his face and pushed his hair out of his face. It was getting hot. He knew in his heart that it was the thirst and that he should do something about it as quickly as possible. But he didn't. He clawed angrily at his throat through his neck. He could feel his nails dully scraping his skin. He'd have to explain the red scratches in the morning.

"Ah!" he gasped in pain. Now he'd have to explain the gashes along his neck. His claws had emerged and cut through his skin. He didn't stop his scratching, finding some sort of masochistic relief in the pain and dripping blood.

He sniffed rather loudly and surrendered under the pressure of the oncoming flood of tears. It was rather odd. His empty eye socket still wept. He could feel it dripping down the left side of his face, almost sticky as it bled out his sorrows.

Fai suffered in solitude.

Or so he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

_Fai quickly yanked the bandana from his face and pushed his hair out of his face. It was getting hot. He knew in his heart that it was the thirst and that he should do something about it as quickly as possible. But he didn't. He clawed angrily at his throat through his neck. He could feel his nails dully scraping his skin. He'd have to explain the red scratches in the morning._

"_Ah!" he gasped in pain. Now he'd have to explain the gashes along his neck. His claws had emerged and cut through his skin. He didn't stop his scratching, finding some sort of masochistic relief in the pain and dripping blood._

_He sniffed rather loudly and surrendered under the pressure of the oncoming flood of tears. It was rather odd. His empty eye socket still wept. He could feel it dripping down the left side of his face, almost sticky as it bled out his sorrows._

_Fai suffered in solitude._

_Or so he thought._

Fai heard breathing behind him and spun around to see Kurogane leaning against the open door. He kept his hand up around his neck, trying to hide the damage he'd done.

"What are you doing?" Kurogane asked.

"I uh—" Fai began, for once not knowing what to say.

"It was a rhetorical question," Kurogane said. "I know full well what you were doing. I've been watching you the whole time."

"How did you know I was out here?" Fai asked.

"Haven't you figured out I don't need eyes to see?" he asked sarcastically. "I know exactly where you were and how long you watched us before heading out." Fai hung his head, letting his hand fall to his side and his claws recede. Kurogane narrowed his eyes and clenched his teeth.

He waited for Fai to explain. He knew it wouldn't take long. Fai was thirsty; Kurogane could tell. He would give in eventually.

Suddenly, Fai was spilling all his anxieties to Kurogane, not holding back any more secrets about his feelings towards himself.

"I hate it!" he cried, falling to the floor and hugging his knees. "I hate this thirst. I hate myself." He sobbed into his knees. "You should have let me die…."

Kurogane sighed and sat down directly in front of Fai, Indian style.

"Do you remember when we were in Storm Country and we entered that tournament?" Kurogane asked.

"Yes," Fai responded quietly, still crying.

"I placed one of the helmets on your head and told you I didn't want to see you face again. What did you reply?"

Fai didn't answer.

"I know you remember."

He still remained silent, even though he remembered his words clearly.

"You said I couldn't possibly mean that. That I would have a sad and dreary life without you," Kurogane reminded him.

Fai didn't know what he was getting at.

"How is that supposed to make me feel better?" Fai said.

"Because you were right," Kurogane said. "And that's why I took my only chance to save your life, even if it meant you'd become a bloodthirsty creature. In other words, I was selfish."

"But I don't understand why I'm so important to you, Kurgs," Fai said, wiping at his face since the tears seemed to be done. He refastened the sash to hide his missing eye.

"Well, just think," Kurogane said, ignoring the nickname. "Would you do the same if it was me?"

"Well, I would have used magic—"

"That's not what I meant. Put yourself in my shoes. I can't use magic. If you couldn't use magic, and you had the choice to either let me die or save me by a cursed means, what would you choose?"

Fai thought for a moment, letting a scene play out in his mind. No matter how many times he replayed it, the end was always the same.

"I'd do exactly the same as you did," he confessed. _Because I love you,_ he added in his mind.

"Good," Kurogane said. "I'm glad we had this talk." He stood.

"Wait!" Fai called and grabbed Kurogane's arm as he walked away, which brought Fai to his feet. "Don't leave me here, please." Fai hated the fact that he sounded like a little child, but he did not want to be left alone again. "I'm afraid of myself," he admitted.

Kurogane sighed and lifted Fai's chin up so he could inspect the damage inflicted on Fai's neck.

"Idiot," he muttered. "You're lucky you didn't cut deep. You could have hit an artery. You should be fine by morning, what with your speedy vampire healing. Just don't scratch if it itches."

"Yes, Dr. Kuro-poo!" Fai said, trying to bring some humor to the situation. In reality, he was just happy to be touched by Kurogane. It made him all tingly inside and it kind of tickled.

"You're an idiot," Kurogane mumbled. "The real reason I actually followed you out here in the first place was because I could tell you were thirsty."

Fai's smile disappeared. His throat was still on fire. Talking had distracted him, but it was definitely there.

"I don't want to," Fai said, yet knowing he would have to. "It's not that I don't like the blood itself, it's that I don't want to hurt you."

"Fai," Kurogane said, using his name for the first time. "I've had worse done to me on countless occasions. Two little holes in my skin aren't that painful. And actually, we could start to schedule these things for before bed so I can rest afterwards and gain more strength." He hesitated to say more, then let it slide.

"What?" Fai asked, curious. "What were you going to say there at the end?"

"Maybe I'll tell you some day," Kurogane teased. "You need to drink." He held out his arm.

Fai was feeling a little daring and experimental tonight. He grabbed Kurogane's wrist and brought himself around to face him. Kurogane just raised an eyebrow in confusion as Fai reached a hand to his chin. Fai made Kurogane turn his head to give him better access. Kurogane didn't ask questions. He somehow knew what Fai was doing and didn't really want to correct him.

Fai put a hand on the back of Kurogane's neck, bringing his lips up to meet the side of it. Kurogane tensed slightly. Fai opened his mouth and licked Kurogane's neck, trying to be provocative about it. It wasn't until he grazed his fangs over the skin lightly that Kurogane reacted.

"Ngh," he grunted. He'd been holding that in. Fai bit down. He tended to his thirst first, thinking he was getting a lot more blood from this spot than from the wrist and intended to use this source from now on. Once his mind was clear enough of the thirst, he tried to tease Kurogane a little bit. He'd occasionally lick at the wounds he'd made on Kurogane's neck and was delighted when he felt the raven-haired man shiver.

Fai was getting ready to pull away and wondered if he could try another thing without getting yelled at. He might as well go for it. With his last little suck from Kurogane's neck, he pulled away, allowing Kurogane to look forward again.

Before Kurogane could say a word, Fai pulled his face down to his and kissed him squarely on the lips.

Kurogane was shocked, to say the least, but responded vigorously. Fai moaned into Kurogane's mouth and probed lightly with this tongue, seeking entrance, which was granted to him almost immediately.

Kurogane didn't expect to get a mouthful of his own blood.

He pulled back quickly and tried to spit it out on reflex, but a good portion of it went down his throat. It tasted bitter.

"What the hell was that for?" Kurogane shouted.

"Well, I guess it really doesn't taste as good to you," Fai said with a smile. "I think you're the most delicious thing I've ever tasted." He trailed a finger along Kurogane's jaw line and down his neck. "Your kissing's not that bad either." Kurogane rather uncharacteristically blushed.

"Yeah, well—"

"I quite enjoyed it," Fai said, backing Kurogane up against the wall to the cottage. "And I dare say you did as well, Kurgy-poo."

"Don't call me that," Kurogane said.

"Ah-ah-ah! No avoiding the topic," Fai said, running his fingers into Kurogane's hair.

"Yes! I enjoyed it! Okay? But it's only because it's been a hell of a long time since I've been kissed, got that?"

"Aw," Fai whined, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout. "Is poor Kurgy feeling neglected?" Kurogane jumped when he felt Fai's body lean against his. He was sandwiched between a wall and a vampire. Great.

_Damn it,_ he thought as Fai's hips slammed against his. Why the hell was Fai doing this? Kurogane didn't want to do anything because he was sure it would lead to a broken heart.

Because he loved Fai, though he highly doubted he would admit it to anyone other than himself.

He didn't want to just fool around.

"Wizar—"

"I'm not a wizard anymore," Fai corrected, leaning back slightly, which thrust his hips into Kurogane's

"Vampire," Kurogane shot back in Fai's face. "Why are you doing this?"

"Don't you like it?" Fai asked, letting a hand trace down from Kurogane's hair to his muscled chest.

"That's exactly why you should stop," Kurogane said. "I don't know when I'll lose control." He closed his eyes as Fai rocked his hips. Damn, it felt so good. And he wanted it badly.

"Why shouldn't we lose control?" Fai asked, bringing his face much closer to Kurogane's once again. "We're both obviously attracted to each other"—he thrust his hips again for emphasis, coaxing a groan from Kurogane—"so why don't we pleasure ourselves for once?"

"For one thing, you're covered in your own blood," Kurogane pointed out. "For another, I happen to be the kind of guy who doesn't approve of one night stands."

"Who says it only has to be one night?" Fai asked. "We can do this as often as we like."

"That's not what I meant," Kurogane said, trying desperately to ignore the delicious feeling of Fai's erection on his. "I meant I'm only interested in a meaningful relationship based on love."

Fai froze.

"Are you saying you don't love me?" he asked.

"Well, what about you? Do you love me or were you just after a little action?"

"I asked you first," Fai said. Kurogane rolled his eyes.

"All right, one finger means yes, two means no. Whether or not it's love we feel for the other, on the count of three."

"Isn't that a little childish?" Fai asked.

"One," Kurogane began.

"Two," Fai said.

"Three!" they chorused and both held up a single finger. Childish ways pay off sometimes.


	3. Chapter 3

"_Are you saying you don't love me?" Fai asked._

"_Well, what about you? Do you love me or were you just after a little action?"_

"_I asked you first," Fai said. Kurogane rolled his eyes._

"_All right, one finger means yes, two means no. Whether or not it's love we feel for the other, on the count of three."_

"_Isn't that a little childish?" Fai asked._

"_One," Kurogane began._

"_Two," Fai said._

"_Three!" they chorused and both held up a single finger. Childish ways pay off sometimes._

Before he could think, Kurogane grabbed Fai's chin and crashed their lips together for the second time that night. Fai moaned as he let Kurogane's tongue into his mouth. They loved each other.

"Ngh, I love you," Fai breathed through the kiss.

"I know," Kurogane managed to say between attacks on Fai's mouth. He'd wanted this for a long time. He put his hands on Fai's hips and ground their bodies together. Fai's moans sent little shocks of pleasure down Kurogane's body.

Fai moved from Kurogane's mouth and trailed sloppy, wet kisses down his neck, giving a rather sensuous one over the holes he'd made earlier, making Kurogane moan.

"Fai…" Kurogane began, not really knowing what he wanted to say after that. Don't stop? God that feels good? Something along those lines.

"Ohh, I love it when you say my name like that," Fai whispered huskily into Kurogane's chest.

_I love it when you do _that_ with your tongue,_ Kurogane thought as Fai licked his skin as low as he could without removing clothing. He moaned as Fai's fingers searched for a way to undress him.

"What the hell, Kurgy?" Fai asked, taking a step back so he could inspect Kurogane's clothes. "How do you get out of that thing?" Kurogane rolled his eyes and undressed himself in a matter of seconds, leaving him in just a sort of underwear. Fai let his eye trail over Kurogane's muscled chest and abdomen. He was about to start kissing him again, but Kurogane moved too quickly and began undressing Fai as well. Fai's clothes were easy to figure out and Kurogane made sure to let his fingers tease Fai's body as he removed the clothing slowly.

Kurogane liked the little moans Fai made when he touched a rather sensitive area of skin. He made quick mental notes of those places for future reference. Kurogane was slightly surprised to find that Fai didn't even have underwear. He wondered if it was just the way Fai's world was, or if it was a personal preference. Either way, Fai was naked and Kurogane liked it.

He kissed Fai again and pulled their bodies flush against each other. Fai moaned at the feel of Kurogane's muscles moving against his and tugged lightly at the remaining clothing Kurogane still wore.

Kurogane grabbed Fai's thigh and lifted him, making Fai wrap his legs around Kurogane's waist as he was backed into the same post he'd leaned on earlier.

"Ngh, take me," Fai whispered. "I need you. Please, Kurogane."

Kurogane was happy to oblige and lowered his hand between their bodies to prepare Fai's entrance with his fingers. Fai leaned his head back against the post and moaned at the mixture of pain and pleasure. Kurogane trailed kisses and licks all over Fai's chest, stopping at his sensitive nipples to tease.

"Oh god, Kurogane," Fai moaned quietly. Kurogane smiled.

"I love it when you say my name like that," he used Fai's words from earlier.

"Nh, well if I knew saying your name would do this, I'd have done it sooner," Fai said, then moaned as Kurogane added a third finger to spread him. "Okay, I'm ready. I just want you in me," he said impatiently. He grunted as Kurogane removed his fingers.

"Last chance to stop," Kurogane warned as he rubbed his erection to cover it with his precum for a lubricant.

"Don't you dare," Fai warned, and Kurogane saw his eye flash golden in the light drifting from the candle they'd left lit inside the cottage. It aroused Kurogane even more and he thrust himself deep inside Fai's entrance and held himself there to wait for the blonde to adjust. Fai leaned his head down and kissed Kurogane, trying to distract himself from the pain and wait for the pleasure he knew would follow. "I love you so much," he whispered.

"Me too," Kurogane replied. "I mean, I love you, too, not I love myself—" Fai silenced him with a kiss.

"I knew what you meant," he chuckled. "I think you can move now." Kurogane experimentally rocked his hips back to slide out a little. Fai moaned in pleasure. Kurogane kept a slow pace to start off with, letting the pleasure build gradually.

After a few minutes, Fai got impatient and dug his heels in Kurogane's back, forcing him to slam into him faster.

"Ngh, faster, Kurogane," Fai moaned into Kurogane's hair, who was kissing along Fai's neck. He could taste Fai's blood even though he wasn't fully bleeding anymore. It was salty, yet had an almost sugary element to it. It wasn't necessarily pleasant thinking about Fai bleeding, but it definitely tasted better to him than his own blood had.

He increased his speed and force, causing Fai to grunt and moan with every thrust now.

"Fai, you're so tight and hot," Kurogane grunted into Fai's neck. Fai merely let out a rather loud cry as Kurogane hit his prostate.

"Ah! There!" he yelled. Kurogane thought about telling him to be quiet, but if they hadn't woken the others up by now, they were bound to sleep through it. He tried a few more times before he found Fai's prostate again and remembered the location of it. "Oh! God! Ah! Kuroga-ah!"

Kurogane covered Fai's mouth with his, trying to get him to shut up. Fai's muscles twitched rather violently and Kurogane moaned into Fai's mouth.

"I'm close," Kurogane whispered and moved a hand down to Fai's neglected erection. He pumped him in rhythm with his thrusts, wanting them to climax at the same time.

"Ah! Kurogane, I'm-!" Fai was unable to finish his thought as he came, his semen covering both of their chests and stomachs. He let out one long and very loud moan. That sound combined with the intense pressure on his cock from Fai sent him over the edge as well. He grunted and thrust in as deep as he could, filling Fai with his seed.

Kurogane kept Fai pinned against the post, but Fai's legs had turned to jelly and fell from around Kurogane's hips. They waited for their breathing to return to a somewhat normal pace before moving. Fai put a hand through Kurogane's hair.

"That was perfect," Fai whispered lovingly. "Absolutely perfect."

"I liked it too," Kurogane teased. "We'll definitely do that more often."

"Yes, but not too soon," Fai said, easing himself off of Kurogane's now limp member. "Ah… I need to recuperate, I think." Kurogane took a step back so Fai could stand. Fai clenched his teeth and hissed.

"I'm sorry," Kurogane said.

"No, it's fine," Fai said. "It just burns a little. That should go away with time."

"Good, 'cause I don't want to hurt you," Kurogane said and put a hand in Fai's hair on his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

"Mm," Fai said a couple minutes later, breaking the kiss. "We should clean up." He gestured to their torsos, which were thoroughly soiled with semen. Kurogane smirked and proceeded to lick Fai's body clean, even kneeling down to clean from where his own semen was dripping down Fai's thighs. Once he was cleaned, Fai returned the favor, taking his time when cleaning Kurogane's member.

"Ngh, you better stop," Kurogane grunted, pushing Fai's face away. "I'll just get excited again and I'm too tired to do anything else tonight."

"All right," Fai said and stood up. "Then we should go sleep. We don't want to have to explain our fatigue to the kids tomorrow." Kurogane chuckled.

"I think we'll probably have to explain the noises more than anything," he said, reaching for Fai's clothes.

They redressed each other and headed back into the cottage.

Syaoran woke up the next morning with a mission in mind. He walked over to where Fai had set up his sleeping bag and was not as surprised as he thought he'd be to find Kurogane sleeping next to him. Fai had his back to Kurogane and Kurogane had an arm draped over Fai's waist; their bodies were flush against each other, their legs a tangled mess.

"Good morning, Syaoran," Fai said with his eyes still closed but a smile on his face.

"Is Kurogane still asleep?" Syaoran asked, wanting to ask the both of them at one time.

"No, what do you want, kid?" Kurogane asked, opening his eyes.

"I wanted to ask you both something," Syaoran said. Fai opened his eyes and sat up. Kurogane groaned and did the same.

"What would you like to know, Syaoran?" Fai asked. Syaoran blushed slightly, but kept his expression calm.

"I was wondering if you guys were planning on doing… _that…_ every night we're on this mission," he said. "Because we could hear it in here. It woke me up, but Sakura stayed asleep. Which, that would explain why she was mumbling things like that…." He trailed off, remembering Sakura moaning quietly.

Kurogane blushed and glared at Fai.

"It's all your fault," he said. "You're too loud."

"Oh, come now, Kurgy," Fai said with a smile. "I'm entitled to be as loud as I want when in the throws of pleasure." Kurogane clamped his hand over Fai's mouth, but was too late.

"Not in front of the kids!" Kurogane scolded. Fai giggled.

"I think Syaoran's old enough to hear it," Fai mumbled through Kurogane's hand. "Hm."

"Gah!" Kurogane yelled and pulled his hand away from Fai's face. "You licked me!"

"What? Last night, you seemed to enjoy that," Fai said.

"I swear, you need to stop saying innuendos in front of the children."

"But they're not children anymore…."

Syaoran and Sakura had long since left the room. Mokona sat on the floor in front of them, looking back at forth at the two as they argued.

"It's still not something you need to talk about with other people," Kurogane said. "It's rude."

"In _your _world, it is," Fai said.

"I highly doubt your world is so different that people go around talking about sex all the time," Kurogane argued.

Mokona giggled.

"Fai and Kuro-poo are having a lovers' quarrel!" he said excitedly, hopping up and down.

That's when the men realized the "children" had left already.

"Woops," Fai said happily. "We'd better go catch up and help look for the feather."

Kurogane was grumbling all morning until he noticed Fai had a slightly awkward gait. He walked up next to him and laced his fingers through Fai's. Fai smiled up at him sweetly.

Being a vampire was going to be easier to manage.


End file.
